Safety Nets: Starting From Zero

As an example of what I mean, think back to the most enjoyable vacation you ever took.

When it was over, did you feel any pressure to keep the vacation going? Did you try to add more days or more side trips at the end to make it better?

No, you probably didn’t. That would spoil the whole thing. Almost certainly, you left with the fondest memories, but with that good kind of longing to do it again someday.

Vacations are the most fun when they happen in the context of a happy life. If your real life was terrible, and you knew that your vacation would one day end, the whole thing would become a source of anxiety.

In other words, vacations are fun because they are a break from something that is good and meaningful and hard. They are a great way to relax with the people you love, reset your mind, and inject a little novelty into your life. But they don’t replace or substitute for the main thing.

The Real Joys Of Life

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that nearly everything enjoyable in life is only enjoyable as a break or a respite from something else.

Think about:

Going out for a nice meal is really fun when you’ve mostly been eating at home. And that’s even more true if you’ve been eating healthy and get to indulge a little.

Watching a good movie is a great way to unwind when you’ve been hard at work all day, but feels like a waste of time if you know there’s something you should be doing.

Traveling to a new place feels like an adventure to me, but it wouldn’t feel that way if I didn’t get to come back to my home and my own bed at the end.

Taking a nap on the couch can be a special kind of pleasure, but only if it’s earned with hard work and a good night’s sleep, rather than a retreat from boredom or responsibilities.

Going on a run in the morning feels invigorating and refreshing when you also know that you’ll be sitting at a desk working most of the day.

Financial independence feels amazing when you’ve worked hard for years to save up your money, but winning it in a lottery would cheapen your appreciation of its value.

Here’s the point I’m trying to make: most pleasures in life are more enjoyable when they are used to complement an already meaningful life, but become a source of stress when you try to turn them into your life’s main pursuit.

Simple Math

It’s really just a matter of simple math. The more you take a particular pleasure and try to maximize for it’s one-dimensional goal, the more everything else in life will seem like a distraction from enjoying that one thing.

A long time ago, I realized that I couldn’t enjoy watching football as much as I wanted to. I was always disappointed when it ended, and the next game wasn’t for a whole week. I even tried watching games from other teams, but that seemed to dilute the joy of those 3 hours each week watching my favorite team.

I eventually realized that my desire to maximize that one pleasure was actually ruining my ability to enjoy it. Instead, I learned how much more enjoyable it was to follow the sport casually, and watch a game only if a friend invited me or my brother was watching. In other words, I only watched as part of something bigger, something more meaningful. That replaced the old frustration with a new kind of contentment and gratitude for the small pleasure in my life.

How to Experience a Richer Life

All pleasures eventually fade in freshness if taken too far. Even more importantly, every pleasure comes at a cost of time, money, and opportunities, and so the pursuit of just one will always mean a trade-off with others.

But the great news is that by combining pleasures in a more moderate way, you can avoid turning them into a source of frustration. In fact, you can achieve a sort of synergy that makes them all the more enjoyable when blended together.

Of course, this idea goes against a lot of conventional wisdom that would have you believe that “more is always better.”

I just don’t think that’s true. There is a sweet spot for most things, and going beyond a certain threshold will actually decrease your satisfaction.

For those of you who are convinced, I will end by sharing a few practical areas this wisdom can be applied.

Instead of watching a TV show on your own, enjoy it with a friend or spouse.

Instead of going on an expensive trip, enjoy an outing or experience in your own city.

Instead of drinking fancy coffee every day, enjoy it on Fridays or weekends as a special treat.

Instead of taking a long nap so you don’t have to work, take a 15 minute one to refresh your mind so you can work better.

Instead of looking to food for comfort, look back on a day of hard work and enjoy food as a reward.

Instead of pursuing pleasure to avoid responsibility, accept responsibility and enjoy the rewards that come from overcoming obstacles.